War Within

I promised it was over...

I promised that before.

But I'm still fighting this war.

Another empty bottle, another wasted night,

Another morning hiding from the unforgiving light.

I tell myself I'm finished, I'll never fall again,

But the silence starts to whisper and I'm reaching for the pain.

I've become a perfect liar with a smile upon my face,

Keeping every little secret in a carefully hidden place.

The people who still love me don't know what I've become,

Surrounded by their voices, but I've never felt so numb.

I remember when it started, just a way to feel alright,

Something helping me escape the things that haunted me at night.

Then the habit turned to hunger, and the hunger took control,

Till I couldn't recognise the man I used to know.

I made promises to family, made excuses to my friends,

Swore that every broken evening was the last before the end.

But I'm tired of the hiding, tired of living in disgrace,

Tired of seeing disappointment on a loved one's face.

I never wanted this.

I never chose this pain.

BUT EVERY TIME I FIND THE LIGHT,

THE SHADOWS CALL MY NAME!

THERE'S A WAR WITHIN!

AND I'M LOSING WHO I AM!

TRYING TO BREAK THESE CHAINS

WITH TWO EMPTY SHAKING HANDS!

THERE'S A WAR WITHIN!

BETWEEN THE DARKNESS AND THE LIGHT!

EVERY DAY'S ANOTHER BATTLE,

EVERY BREATH ANOTHER FIGHT!

BUT I'M STILL HERE!

AND I'M NOT GIVING IN!

I'M MORE THAN MY ADDICTION!

I'M MORE THAN THE WAR WITHIN!

My mother's number lights up on my phone again,

But I can't bear to answer, can't explain the where and when.

I don't need another lecture or another angry stare,

I just need to know that someone still believes there's something there.

I looked into the mirror, saw the years I'd thrown away,

All the birthdays I had missed and every promise I betrayed.

I can't undo the damage or pretend it wasn't real,

But maybe being honest is where I start to heal.

I've been running from the wreckage, from the memories, the shame,

From the endless little voices always screaming out my name.

From the lies and the excuses and the stories I invented,

From the people that I pushed away, the truth I never mentioned.

I was chasing temporary peace inside a lasting disaster,

Every time I thought I'd beaten it, the craving came back faster.

Lost my trust, lost my direction, lost the person I could be,

Started treating every person like an enemy of me.

But I'm done with all the hiding, done pretending I'm in charge,

When the thing I thought was saving me was tearing me apart!

I CAN FALL AND STILL RECOVER!

I CAN ASK FOR HELP AGAIN!

I'M NOT DEFINED BY EVERY FAILURE!

THIS IS NOT HOW MY STORY ENDS!

I've been counting every hour, every promise, every fall,

Every time I said I'm finished then ignored another call.

Every moment of temptation, every battle in my head,

Every night I lay awake regretting everything I said.

I know healing isn't easy, know recovery isn't clean,

Know there'll still be days of darkness and reminders of where I've been.

I don't need another judgement, don't need somebody to blame,

I need courage to be honest and the strength to face the shame.

I'm not asking for a shortcut, I'm not searching for a cure,

I'm accepting that the future isn't something I can ensure.

But I can choose to speak up, choose to reach for someone's hand,

Choose to face another morning even when I barely stand!

I'M NOT HOPELESS! I'M NOT WORTHLESS!

I'M NOT EVERYTHING I'VE DONE!

I'M STILL HUMAN! I'M STILL LEARNING!

AND MY LIFE IS NOT YET DONE!

ONE MORE DAY WITHOUT THE HIDING!

ONE MORE TRUTH INSTEAD OF LIES!

ONE MORE CHANCE TO MAKE THINGS BETTER!

ONE MORE REASON LEFT TO TRY!

WE ARE MORE THAN OUR ADDICTIONS!

MORE THAN EVERY BROKEN PROMISE!

WE CAN FACE THE WAR WITHIN US!

WE DON'T HAVE TO FIGHT ALONE!

If I stumble on the journey...

It doesn't mean I've lost the way.

If I need somebody's help...

I can ask for it today.

I can't rewrite yesterday,

But tomorrow isn't written.

And the person I can become

Is still worth fighting for.

THERE'S A WAR WITHIN!

BUT I'M LEARNING HOW TO STAND!

I DON'T HAVE TO FACE THE DARKNESS

WITHOUT SOMEONE HOLDING MY HAND!

THERE'S A WAR WITHIN!

BUT THE FIGHT IS NOT MY NAME!

I'M MORE THAN EVERY BROKEN NIGHT!

I'M MORE THAN ALL MY SHAME!

I'M STILL HERE!

AND I'M LEARNING TO BEGIN!

MY FUTURE IS STILL MINE TO BUILD!

BEYOND THE WAR WITHIN!

I don't know if it'll be easy.

We don't have to do it alone.

Today, we begin again.